Monday, February 10, 2014


Usually, when you call someone a “bozo,” you typically mean a “a stupid, rude, or insignificant person.” 

You might, however, also be referring to other features, features of the actual Bozo the Clown. For example, a large red nose. Or a huge smile with lots of scary red lipstick. Maybe even huge eyebrows on a deathly white, incredibly long forehead. Or perhaps a bald pate and some upswept, extremely red hair. 

Well, I couldn’t find any cards out there that featured large, round, red noses; or the scary smile; or the incredible eyebrows. But I did find some of that upturned (albeit if not bright red) hair. 

Okay, you bozos, take it away …

Bozo with a wandering eye!

Tom Hausman is one of only 37 major leaguers from South Dakota. That does include a Hall of Famer, though – one George L. Anderson (who you may know better as “Sparky”).

Tom was up for seven years, playing with three pretty hapless teams. He finished with a less than stellar 15-23 record and 3.80 ERA. Somehow or other, though, that resulted in a bio of over 1000 words in Wikipedia. Hmm, maybe his mom wrote it.

Bozo with a moustache!

Stan Thomas also played for three teams, but over only four years. The results were pretty similar though – 11-14 record, 3.70 ERA, and 1.406 WHIP. He was a 27th-round draft pick. Some similar players (none of whom I’ve ever heard of) include:

  • Newt Kimball
  • Gene Pentz
  • Max Leon
  • Dutch Dietz

He does get his own post at Cardboard Gods however. Oddly, though, that post never mentions Stan at all.

Angry Bozo!

Bill Campbell, on the other hand, was a decent pitcher. A reliever, he was up for 15 years, finishing with 126 saves. 

He had two incredible years, ’76 and ’77. In ’76, he compiled an amazing 17-5 record (and without a single start). In ’77, he led the league in saves and was also an All Star. In both years, he won Fireman of the Year, led the league in games finished, and came in the top ten in Cy Young voting. Arm trouble kept him from ever repeating those gaudy numbers.

Bill was one of the first free agents. He left the Twins for the Red Sox, signing a four-year million dollar contract. Wow, a whole million! 

Yup, his nickname was “Soup.” [sigh]

Bozo with the proper hair color!

Another pitcher. Another bad pitcher. Joe Kerrigan was up for four years, played for two teams, and finished with an 8-12 record and a 3.89 ERA. 

Joe was, however, quite successful after hanging up his spikes – as a bullpen and pitching coach. He started in 1983, and finally gave it up in 2010. He coached for the Expos, Red Sox, Phillies, Yankees, and Pirates.

Joe also tried his hand at managing. That didn’t turn out so well. Joe took over the Red Sox mid-season in 2001, signing a one-year contract. A 17-26 record, however, earned him a quick pink slip. 

Not quite Bozo material, but I just love the total asymmetry here. 

Another short, nondescript career. Bob Apodaca was up for four years, all with the Mets. Primarily a reliever, he finished with 26 saves and a rather nice 2.86 ERA and 1.226 WHIP. 

Like Kerrigan, Apodaca made his name later, as a pitching coach. Bob started in 1981 and kept it up until 2012. He was famous for coaching decent performances out of the poor, shell-shocked Rockies staff.

BTW, I understand “apodaca” is Spanish for “middle reliever.”

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