Monday, July 28, 2014

Before There Was Photoshop I

It’s hard to imagine.  At one time, photographs were actually physical objects. And to alter them, you didn’t just fire up Photoshop. Instead, you got out scissors, X-Acto knife, rubber cement, paint, and paint brush.

And that’s how you got results like these …

“He plays for the Reds, so make the hat red, okay?” “Sure, boss, whatever you say.”

Jim Qualls was up for a couple of years, getting in only 139 at bats total. Though he played for two teams during that time, neither of those was the Reds (he never got out of the minors with them). Qualls later played in Japan, where he was a little bit more successful. His main claim to fame is breaking up a perfect game Tom Seaver took into the ninth inning. Mets fans reportedly loathe Jim to this day.  

And if all that’s not enough, all you could ever possibly want to know about a 139-at-bat, no-homer, .223-hitting utility outfielder you can find right here.


“No, no, it’s their socks that are white, not their hat.  For some reason, that’s light blue. You got it?” “Yeah, boss, sure. Light blue.”

Tom Bradley’s been here before, where he was looking particularly groovy. I shared his stats there, but not what he did after retirement. And that includes coaching two college teams, as well as such minor league powerhouses as the Lansing Lug Nuts, Fort Wayne Wizards, Eugene Emeralds, and Medicine Hat Blue Jays.

By the way, the shades Tom is wearing here tell me that we’re definitely still in his pre-groovy period.

“No, I don’t know what color an Athletic is. You’re just going to have to take it from me, but I do know they wear green hats.” “Yeah, whatever.”

Dick Williams was one of the better managers during this period. He finished 1571-1451, and won four pennants and two World Series. He was known as a strict disciplinarian and a turnaround artist. He got into the Hall in 2008. 

Some interesting Dick Williams trivia:
  • His middle name is Hirschfeld
  • He won $50,000 on the Hollywood Squares TV show
  • He was arrested for indecent exposure in 2000

“Dang, ran out of blue. Nobody’ll notice, right?”

Ken Berry’s been here before, where we got a good look up his nostrils. He wasn’t a bad player at all. I’ll bet you didn’t know, though, that after retirement, Berry wrote two children’s books, Artie the Awesome Apple and Clyde the Clumsy Camel. I am not making this up.

Hats really aren’t that shape now, are they?

Brant Alyea has a rather odd name. But would you believe he was born Garrabrant Ryerson Alyea? And, no, that event did not happen in the Netherlands, or Belgium, or Iceland, or someplace exotic, but in plain old Passaic, NJ. 

Alyea was in the bigs for six years, but got over 200 at bats in only two of them. He finished with a respectable 38 homers though (in 866 at bats), and once clubbed 16 in a season (over only 258 at bats). His main claim to fame is hitting one of those 38 dingers on his first at bat.

After retirement, Brant headed back to New Joisey, where he got a job overseeing the craps tables at the Tropicana in Atlantic City.

“Like I say, red.”

Hal King’s another repeat offender when it comes to this blog. In that other post, I found looking a little under the weather. You know, he’s not looking so great here either. Check out that other post for Hal’s stats, along with what he’s been up to lately. Honestly, there’s not that much else to say about ol' Hal.

“Uh, what did you guys do up there?”

Dave Marshall was your basic backup outfielder. He was up for seven years, but only got over 200 at bats twice. He totaled just over 1000 at bats overall, with 16 homers, 114 RBIs, 123 runs, and a .246 average. Nevertheless, he is no fewer than three halls of fame. Of course, they are the Solano College Sports Hall of Fame, the St. Patrick-St. Vincent High Sports Hall of Fame, and the Vallejo Sports Hall of Fame.

Here are some funny memories of him from a page of reminiscences from Mets fans:
  • "My cousin Wendy used to go to sleep dreaming of Dave Marshall."
  • "In the book Ballplayers, they describe him as, 'The defensively deficient Marshall was a singles hitter who was used as a backup.'"
  • "Dave Marshall lives in my memory for always grabbing his crotch before every pitch. It's an old joke to say that ballplayers grab their crotch, but Marshall always did. It's probably not good that I remember that."
  • "Dave Marshall was supposed to be the guest speaker at my Little League banquet one year. He never showed up."

“What have you done with my hat?” No wonder Dave looked so deflated.

Dave Tomlin was your classic middle reliever. Over 13 seasons and 500-plus innings pitched, he managed only a 25-12 record and 12 saves. He was once traded straight-up for Gaylord Perry though (okay, with a little cash too). Gaylord would go on to win the Cy Young that year. Dave? Not so much. After hanging up his spikes, Dave’s been a major league pitching coach, minor league manager, and minor league coach. 

“I say, old chap. Up for a ride in my flying machine?”

My guess is the green thing around Ken Holtzman’s neck is not an ascot, but rather some poor graphic artist’s attempt to mock up a shirt (or perhaps paint over a mistake). The expression is purely Ken’s own.

Ken’s been here before, where I pointed out a remarkable resemblance between and porn star John Holmes. I shared his (quite decent) stats there, but I’ll bet you didn’t know that Ken’s Jewish. In fact, he’s the all-time winningest Jewish pitcher ever, beating out none other than Sandy Koufax himself (Koufax did best him in Ks though). 

More next week.


  1. At the time Dick Williams managed the A's, the manager and coaches wore WHITE hats.

  2. Man, you're right. So I guess this one qualifies as a goof as well.